i shan't let u noe how i really feel. i mean u noe how i feel but cupcake, u have no idea that actually i feel so so so much more. n sometimes im scared myself coz i feel im falling too deep. even ur bro says so hun. what am i to do? tell me? do u even noe that i honestly think of u every second? n whenever im alone i imagine that if ur here wit me now how it'd be like... gosh, its driving me crazy! i am avoiding my hp rite now coz i want to leave it alone n then suddenly hope u reply my msg so it'd be like a pleasant surprise kinda thing.. dear, u honestly have no idea, of what i really feel. ask d group, whenever i mention u, they get soo annoyed. i feel like i hafta talk to someone but i cant coz its not fair that my conversations wit dem r solely about u.
what am i to u hun? seriusly. u juz broke up, n ur alrdy treatg me like this. i mean, if u can treat me in a "friend" way while ur wit him, u pretty sure can do it if ur wit me. i mean if i was ther in m, wud u stil notice me? i duno la. am i juz ur lionpore getaway? what am i? if i really meant that much why reject me? ok sorry, i noe, ur not ready, and im not being sacarstic. i seriusly noe ur not ready n i respect that coz at least u make me feel less like a rebound. i am falling to deep sayang, so please please i beg u, at least, juz dun treat me like a fool. i dun want u to be another b's ex, coz i was so heartbroken to the xtent that even when i was wit xgirl, if she came back to my life i'd do anyth to get wit b's ex. u certainly do resemble b's ex, in certain ways, even b said that. we'll wait n see the finale to this, good or bad, but baby i noe i hafta b prepard for bad, but im not, i trust i'll b shattered. for now, i shall still wait for ur reply coz u said u outta credit.. hmmm.....
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
everything to pure sweetness to self confusion.
trip 2 came along, n i knew this was gona be the dciding trip. coz of the fact that we had to talk about us, coz both of us were hearing things about each other so we doubted the true feelings that surfaced. as much as we mentioned to juz b natural, we were back to awkward when meeting but i felt that ther was no time to b awkward. i'm not gona b leaving and i wana finish off where i startd, not literally tho. we had our talk, romantic and all, but i was left disappointed. but its ok darl, the feeling of having u bside me juz made me 4get what rejection really meant.
that night there was super tension, trust me. honestly, i duno what was goin on but it was juz tension. worse, orange kalah. perfect. juz had to rub everything in. i so cudnt stand it, i lied k, i didnt go tujuhe, i just went down to have a peace of mind. once i went up, u were alrdy asleep n advise from o was, juz fuck whatever tension coz u guys oni hav few hours left. which was very true. so i had to make my move, it was sleeping time. b had to wake up, n pillow was wit him. i forced him to wake up, saying that it was my turn, but gave the pillow to the cute u who was lying face first on d carpet. til u told me to tepuk u like i love u. honestly syg, i think i do. so i did. n before u noe it later that day, i thot it was special. kissing ur lips n forehead never felt so pure b4.. i didnt care bout rejection n all the shit that we talked abt earlier that day, coz i was soo love struck n it was juz too good a feeling that overpowered everything else. thank you dear, so far, it was the best feeling in my life, i swear. better than sex. i guess.
its been one day ur gone n its back to the ur-not-in-my-life routine. but we talked that nite, n oh how tender n loving it was. again i say, the care n love n affection that u gave, overpowered whatever there was to thinking of the whole me n u thing goin sour.
that night there was super tension, trust me. honestly, i duno what was goin on but it was juz tension. worse, orange kalah. perfect. juz had to rub everything in. i so cudnt stand it, i lied k, i didnt go tujuhe, i just went down to have a peace of mind. once i went up, u were alrdy asleep n advise from o was, juz fuck whatever tension coz u guys oni hav few hours left. which was very true. so i had to make my move, it was sleeping time. b had to wake up, n pillow was wit him. i forced him to wake up, saying that it was my turn, but gave the pillow to the cute u who was lying face first on d carpet. til u told me to tepuk u like i love u. honestly syg, i think i do. so i did. n before u noe it later that day, i thot it was special. kissing ur lips n forehead never felt so pure b4.. i didnt care bout rejection n all the shit that we talked abt earlier that day, coz i was soo love struck n it was juz too good a feeling that overpowered everything else. thank you dear, so far, it was the best feeling in my life, i swear. better than sex. i guess.
its been one day ur gone n its back to the ur-not-in-my-life routine. but we talked that nite, n oh how tender n loving it was. again i say, the care n love n affection that u gave, overpowered whatever there was to thinking of the whole me n u thing goin sour.
everything.
i waited n hesitated. not to start yet another one. coz i think its pointless and i juz hate the fact of ppl hating n dissing the reflections. oh well, but i figured, i have to, juz for you. coz honestly, as pussy as it sounds, but i dun ffing care, i have never felt so much for a girl before. this is just, for you.
we'll start from d beginning alrite,
it was a great trip, things were goin awesome, then came that one night and dance that we had. for sure i knew, there were sparks but you seemed like you were holding back a lil. didnt matter tho, at the end i scored, i still gotcha number didnt i. but lil did i noe that this was all gona be the beginning to a sweet yet complicating journey wit u.
u started the msgin, n so me, of all ppl, would be more than euphoric to reply. but i was still doubtful, i didnt wana ask d question coz i didnt want u to think that i developed so much for u aft juz 1 dance. but the truth is yes, dun ask me how or why but thats d strangest thing. but it happened. n i still recall to one particular msg, "thinking of you. hehe. n thats not a joke" - okay, extremely good enough to put a wide smile across my face. but hold up, the later part of d msg - "suppose to go out wit my bf but he was bz" - somewher along that line la, dun recall clearly. WHAT? bf? i didnt bother to ask but dear, what truly was ur intention in saying that when u were in the 'getting to know me' stage? was it to test me if i was the 'matrep' character who didnt care if she had someone so long as i get some pussy/booty? well i'm not baby girl. its not fair to put the fact that i didnt care that u had a bf bcoz seriusly, it takes 2 hands to clap. i mean, running from topic, but didnt this shit juz occur in my life juz b4 kl.. argh! what is it wit me falling for girls that r taken? But listen up k, coz here's the shit, it takes 2 hands to clap.
then came trip 1, u were disappointed, i "didn't come." but i heard stories about how u were when i wasnt around. i'll be fair to u, i won't judge. coz i wana trust the words that come out of ur mouth. yes we slept together, side by side, ur head on my hand. but sadly, i hadta leave early. I am so sorry dear, i didn't mean to do it. Mayb if u'd understand the nature of my job that time, u'd noe that i juz cant ditch my job. For one reason n one reason only - the sole reason; so i could finish off the "unditchable" job and earn farking lots, so that i can go m over and over again juz to see u more often.. but trust me baby girl, at that time, those few hours wit u - i think it was juz 7?, was simply the most heart thumping encounter wit a girl i ever had b4. ask o, he knew i was freaking nervous on the way up to d room in d lift.
i hafta say, aft trip 1, things escalated. i didnt know why, at that time la, but i was enjoying tho. guys, its a lie to say that single life rocks to a full xtent bcoz trust me, nothing beats the feeling of having a girl to care for u so so much. which was what u did. sweetie, I DIDNT FEEL RIMAS AT ALL. i was enjoying every second of it. at least i cud feeling2 as tho i matair wit u alrdy(wah the inglesh is really getting to ay standard sial). then we confessed, n i was shocked. but we wanted to talk come trip 2. the confession was real but then again i was hearing lots n lots of stuff u noe, so how m i to believe? but trust me, i analysed, n i dcided, to juz take whatever thats comin outta ur mouth. i mean it does ouch a lil to noe that actually, im not really ur type......
we'll start from d beginning alrite,
it was a great trip, things were goin awesome, then came that one night and dance that we had. for sure i knew, there were sparks but you seemed like you were holding back a lil. didnt matter tho, at the end i scored, i still gotcha number didnt i. but lil did i noe that this was all gona be the beginning to a sweet yet complicating journey wit u.
u started the msgin, n so me, of all ppl, would be more than euphoric to reply. but i was still doubtful, i didnt wana ask d question coz i didnt want u to think that i developed so much for u aft juz 1 dance. but the truth is yes, dun ask me how or why but thats d strangest thing. but it happened. n i still recall to one particular msg, "thinking of you. hehe. n thats not a joke" - okay, extremely good enough to put a wide smile across my face. but hold up, the later part of d msg - "suppose to go out wit my bf but he was bz" - somewher along that line la, dun recall clearly. WHAT? bf? i didnt bother to ask but dear, what truly was ur intention in saying that when u were in the 'getting to know me' stage? was it to test me if i was the 'matrep' character who didnt care if she had someone so long as i get some pussy/booty? well i'm not baby girl. its not fair to put the fact that i didnt care that u had a bf bcoz seriusly, it takes 2 hands to clap. i mean, running from topic, but didnt this shit juz occur in my life juz b4 kl.. argh! what is it wit me falling for girls that r taken? But listen up k, coz here's the shit, it takes 2 hands to clap.
then came trip 1, u were disappointed, i "didn't come." but i heard stories about how u were when i wasnt around. i'll be fair to u, i won't judge. coz i wana trust the words that come out of ur mouth. yes we slept together, side by side, ur head on my hand. but sadly, i hadta leave early. I am so sorry dear, i didn't mean to do it. Mayb if u'd understand the nature of my job that time, u'd noe that i juz cant ditch my job. For one reason n one reason only - the sole reason; so i could finish off the "unditchable" job and earn farking lots, so that i can go m over and over again juz to see u more often.. but trust me baby girl, at that time, those few hours wit u - i think it was juz 7?, was simply the most heart thumping encounter wit a girl i ever had b4. ask o, he knew i was freaking nervous on the way up to d room in d lift.
i hafta say, aft trip 1, things escalated. i didnt know why, at that time la, but i was enjoying tho. guys, its a lie to say that single life rocks to a full xtent bcoz trust me, nothing beats the feeling of having a girl to care for u so so much. which was what u did. sweetie, I DIDNT FEEL RIMAS AT ALL. i was enjoying every second of it. at least i cud feeling2 as tho i matair wit u alrdy(wah the inglesh is really getting to ay standard sial). then we confessed, n i was shocked. but we wanted to talk come trip 2. the confession was real but then again i was hearing lots n lots of stuff u noe, so how m i to believe? but trust me, i analysed, n i dcided, to juz take whatever thats comin outta ur mouth. i mean it does ouch a lil to noe that actually, im not really ur type......
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